where am i from again
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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