I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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