So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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