16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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