she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
