Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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