I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
