you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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