Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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