Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I wish there were birth control emojis
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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