yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
