dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
