very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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