My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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