Where is the hickey?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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