I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
