Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
they're like a gay fantastic four
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
