Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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