So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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