I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
