I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
