Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
