They should really pass out barf bags in church
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
