from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
