too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
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They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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