yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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