I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
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My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
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Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay