even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
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i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
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I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"