your parents love me but you hate me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here