awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.