I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that