i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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