I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My life is pants optional.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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