my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
