Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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