he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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