don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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