I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
