I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
