I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
