I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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