maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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