She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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