I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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