did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
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Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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