im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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