yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
