You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
