You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
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she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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