I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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