She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
