After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
