the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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