he shaved USA in his pubs
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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