Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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