You just made me feel so damn special
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
