yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
