quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I fill condoms, not promises.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
