Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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