i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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