Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
